Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Shaking your fist at the sky does NOTHING!

Hello there, friends. Yes, I'm still alive and livin' in B-Ridge, but there have been some developments of late that make me wish I weren't such a staunch atheist. If I weren't such a staunch atheist, then I could shake my fist at the sky and go, "Hey god, go fuck yourself!" because seriously, you guys, everytime I think 2008 can't get anymore depressing, it totally DOES.

Basically, a few days before X-mas, Clint got word that he has to go to North Carolina for two months for special army training because...wait for it...there's a unit that's deploying in May, and he may be going with them. Oh, and he has to be in North Carolina by January 12th. Oh, and he's leaving Thursday (that's two days from now, ya'll) for Virginia to finish up some paperwork, then he has to go to several other exotic military locales to do more paperwork stuff before January 12th.

I realize that this is not a unique ocurrence, and I know there are plenty of other families that are having to deal with this same situation right now, and they are probably dealing with it with far more grace and dignity than I. The way I am dealing with it is by alternating fits of spontaneous weeping with bouts of childish sullenness. Both make me feel guilty for different reasons, so then I feel guilty for a while, and then I get angry at...I'm not quite sure. The U.S. military? Clint? Myself? None of it makes a whole lot of sense, and I'm sure it's really off-putting to everyone around me (throngs in the MoMA last Saturday afternoon, I'm looking at you), but it's sort of out of my hands. When you feel so godawful that you burst into tears for no apparent reason, the only remedy is to wait it out. You can't go on feeling like that forever, it takes too much time and energy. I'm not sure whether I'm entering the denial phase or the acceptance phase, but already I'm feeling a little better. For example, instead of sleeping for five hours after work today, I'm actually considering getting dressed and going outside. I'm actually considering that everything is going to be sort of okay. Not ideal, but the sort of okay I can live with until this is all over.

P.S. To show you that I'm not living entirely in Sadsackton, here are a few good things:
- I got my application to Parsons off successfully. Sure it was a tad late, but still in before the January 1 rolling deadline!
- I hit a real homerun at the giftlympics this year, I think
- The skinnifying trend continues: I've lost nearly 20 pounds since I started SB, no longer fit properly into pants that used to be too small, and have started occasionally wearing Clint's jeans, because they fit better.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

Come now! You guys have been through SO much worse than this!

And you'll make it through this, too. If you feel like a good cry alternating with random anger and then laughter, whatever's clever, dear. I don't think your anger is unreasonable at all - I just wish there was someone to be angry at. {{Hugs}}

One day at a time. You'll make it.

YAY for Parsons - all crossables crossed...when are they supposed to get back to you by?

YAY for skinnifying! I spent the holidays fattifying, so I'm back on the wagon today...Pilates on Wednesday and I may actually set foot in a gym again. By SB I assume you mean South Beach? I did wonderful things on South Beach...
Keep it up!!